On Friday, I attended a continuing education course by Joy Millis that focused on ”creating magic” in the dental office. I admit, I was a bit skeptical because it was on a Friday I planned to have off and also, the class was called, “Dental Magic: Disney Style.” To be honest, the words, “oh, brother,” initially sprang to mind, along with the mandatory accompanying eye-roll. I’m not a fan of gimmicks, and this definitely sounded gimmicky to me.
I could not have been more wrong! The speaker was thoroughly entertaining and informative all at the same time. I didn’t even know this was possible! I left the seminar with a wealth of valuable information. I felt inspired and motivated to share some of this knowledge with you and implement it in my practice .
The message I found most profound was about how the words we use can affect others. To further explain this, I’d like to share a little about a personal challenge I have recently overcome.
Early this summer I had a miscarriage. Worse yet, the process was not occurring naturally, so my OB prescribed a medication called Misoprostol to help speed up the process. It didn’t work, so surgery was required. Specifically, I had to undergo a procedure called dilation and curettage (D&C) the next day. Well, unfortunately there were still “retained products of conception” and I also had a uterine infection. One week and two antibiotics later I had D&C number two. Thankfully, it was a success…So a couple days later I am feeling better for like an hour and WHAM, I have antibiotic-induced pseudomembranous colitis caused by C. diff. (I can wait if you need to look any of this stuff up on Google.) NOT AWESOME. I recently finished my third course of antibiotics for C. diff, it appears that I finally beat that super bug and I’m feeling great now.
Sometimes I had to tell people I didn’t know very well about my miscarriage and I heard some less than encouraging words (Please imagine quotes in the voice of a busybody, you know the type.):
- “Well, at least you weren’t pregnant that long.” -Just don’t ever say this, it doesn’t matter how long someone is pregnant, they looked forward to raising a child.
- “I know someone who had it way worse” (then proceeds to explain all the horrible details of someone else’s miscarriage)-Please don’t recount unless it was your own miscarriage.
- “God wanted you to do something else before you had a baby, now you just need to figure out what that is.”-I don’t even know how to reply to that. Just a guess, but my God doesn’t kill babies because I didn’t complete the mission. Life is not a video game; if it were, I would be calling for so many extra lives!
Nice things to say to someone who had a miscarriage:
- “I am sorry for your loss.” -It’s simple and polite.
- “I am dropping off some cookies/bars/dinner, I’ll be there about 4 and I’ll ring the bell and drop it off on the stoop.” -These friends understand that not only are treats ALWAYS welcome, but the person receiving them might not be feeling very sociable right now…and doesn’t want anyone to see them looking like crap!
- “It will get better.”-We all need a little hope for the future.
I occasionally say some careless things myself. For example, while going though the process of my miscarriage, I said some not-so-nice things to my wonderful and caring husband…you know, the guy who carried me to the bathroom to brush my teeth when I couldn’t even stand up?
- “Spit it out! SPIT. IT. OUT!” -This refers to one of my cravings…Okay, I was eating, like FOUR powdered sugar donuts a day. I couldn’t do anything with out thinking about eating the next powdered sugar donut. It was a SERIOUS addiction. Chris happened to take a bite, one bite and I flipped out and SCREAMED at him. He offered to immediately go out for an additional dozen donuts, I refused. I wanted that one. Classy.
Luckily, my words seemed to roll right off his back. He later told me that he’s heard much worse from hecklers.
Chris and I chose not to tell people about the miscarriage until recently. It’s not because the subject is taboo or I want to keep secrets from people that we care about, it’s because it’s still somewhat difficult to talk about. My experience was incredibly painful and drawn out over two months. We were however, very fortunate to have so much support from our families, our offices and the few friends we did tell.
So if you know someone who appears to be having a rough time or a bad day, don’t be afraid to go talk to them, ask them what’s wrong, do something…ANYTHING to let them know you care and that they’re not alone. Just remember to think about those words before you use them.
Oh, and Chris recommends to definitely avoid any and all use of the phrase, “Buck up, li’l Camper.” Just saying.
