pop culture Chris Schuette – Indiebear Music

pop culture

July10th

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Oops! Wrong Psycho

Posted in: humor, Movies/ TV

Yeah, so I dialed the wrong number yesterday and left a voicemail for someone. Not deliberately, mind you. I didn’t know it was the wrong number until I received a voicemail from the woman I had mis-dialed, informing me that I dialed the wrong number. Normally, I would think it was very thoughtful of this woman (I’ll call her “Gertie”) to let me know I had mis-dialed; however, she seemed rather snippy about it. She sounded like an older woman, and somewhat cranky. In short, she sounded like a character from Mama’s Family, but not as eloquent and well-spoken.

In the voicemail, she stated that I dialed the wrong number and that I should be more careful when dialing the telephone. Um, I couldn’t agree more.

About an hour later I received another call from Gertie. I let it go to voicemail, because dammit, I’m busy. Her voicemail stated that she was calling again to tell me that I dialed the wrong number and that I NEED to be careful when using the telephone machine. This fact was becoming more obvious to me.

Two more hours went by and Gertie called me yet again. This time I answered the phone:

Me: Internal Revenue Service

Gertie:(oblivious, dang) I received a call from this number but you dialed the wrong number and I want to know why.

(Her voice seemed more shrill than her voicemails let on.)

Me: Yes, Ma’am. Thank you for letting me know. I’m sorry to have bothered you.

(Apparently, my snide, dismissive attitude comes through even when I’m being polite.)

Gertie: Are you being a smart-ass?

Me: Not yet, Ma’am.

Gertie: Well, you need to be more careful when using the telephone. I don’t know why you can’t understand that.

Me: Ma’am, what YOU don’t know could fill a warehouse. (God, I love that line.)

Gertie: What?

Me: I said, “I’m sorry I mis-dialed your house.” Good-bye.

Gertie: I don’t like your atti-

I hung up. Haven’t heard back from her, but just to be safe, I’m gonna stay outta Compton for awhile.
June24th

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George Carlin

Posted in: humor, Movies/ TV, pop culture

It takes a lot to shock me these days. With everything that goes on in the world, and how quickly we hear about it, I am rarely surprised by anything. Unfortunately, I was shocked yesterday morning when I went to CNN.com and saw that George Carlin had died. It still seems weird.

I first saw George Carlin on “The Tonight Show” in the early 80′s. He was doing his bit about “a place for my stuff.” I had never seen anyone so manic and funny at the same time. Like most people, I immediately became a fan. The main thing I liked about George Carlin was his authenticity. He was never phoney and he was never “cute.” I’m sure gonna miss that.

Here is a clip of George Carlin on “The Tonight Show” in 1972. Nobody could interview like Johnny Carson.
May30th

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R.I.P. Harvey Korman

Posted in: humor, Movies/ TV, pop culture

I just learned the sad news that Harvey Korman passed away yesterday. He was 81 years old; it only seems like he was funny for a lot longer than that.

Some of my earliest memories from the 1970s were hearing my dad laughing while watching Harvey Korman and Tim Conway on The Carol Burnett Show. Later, I saw him in movies like High Anxiety, and my personal favorite of his, Blazing Saddles. He wasn’t the star of these movies, but as this clip shows, they wouldn’t have been the same without him.
May7th

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Are You That Other Guy?

Posted in: humor, Minnesota, Movies/ TV, pop culture

Someone from Minnesota won the $180 Million Powerball thingie last week. I love it when Minnesotans win the lottery. Most of them plan to pay off their boat and maybe fix up their cabin if they can get time off from work. They look like nice people though.

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Good news: You have more money than you’ll ever need. Bad News: you kinda look like Les Nessman

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Speaking of my unhealthy obsession with old TV shows, I should probably admit that I used to rot my brain watching Gilligan’s Island. Hey, it was the 70′s and I was into some weird stuff, OK? Well, The Professor was played by an actor named Russell Johnson, who was also in like, EVERY Twilight Zone episode (OK, just two.) My cursory review of Mr. Johnson’s Wikipedia entry revealed the words no one wants to see in their bio:

On the one hand, you’re famous enough to have a Wikipedia entry. Unfortunately, some people were really hoping that you were slightly more homicidal. That has to be tough at parties; “Oh, you’re the actor, NOT the killer? Well, I knew I recognized you from somewhere. Yeah, I gotta go.”

I’m fortunate enough to have one of those names that is shared by relatively few people. A Google search reveals that my vaguely humorous name is shared by an actor, an attorney, a High School track star, and a whole mess o’ Germans. I’ve never heard from any of these people, but I bet we all hope that each of us behaves ourselves.

So far, so good, but I’m keeping an eye on that attorney.
May6th

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Animals, Animals, Everywhere Animals

Posted in: dogs, humor, Movies/ TV, photos, pop culture

Sometimes Patty and I like to refer to the dogs as “Pooch #1″ and “Pooch #2;” just to let them know who REALLY assigns the names around here. Lately, Bear has been acting a lot like #2. He was playing with a piece of string this past weekend while Patty & I looked on with resigned boredom or unbridled enthusiasm. (We’re Minnesotans and we frequently mistake the two emotions.) We turned away for exactly one minute and he actually swallowed the string. We know this because after I turned off my stopwatch, the string was gone.

[singlepic=62,320,240,,right]Well, I had no intention of removing string from an utterly horrible location at a future time…possibly while neighbor children looked on. So we figured it was time yet again to make a dog barf. I’ve had to do this once before with Indie, but Bear is a bigger dog. I led him outside and gave him several squirts of hydrogen peroxide to swallow. Quoting one of my favorite Futurama characters, I implored that he “barf like a freshman.” (Patty stares at me blankly when I say stuff like that; it’s a thing we have.) Soon enough, the string re-appeared and I performed the invigorating task of clearing away the awful barful remnants. Bear is fine, but still a little dumb.

We had another little animal-related incident in the house. Our cat, Jackson, who is the size of several old Volkswagens and twice as smelly, managed to do a little kitty demolition. The cat-room is a small closet underneath the stairs. There is a cat-door in the drywall which we typically lock at night to keep them from messing with our copies of the “Old West” series of books from Time-Life. (Did you know that John Wesley Hardin was so mean, he once shot a man just for snoring too loud?) Well, Jackson actually managed to push the cat door out of the wall. I’ll say that again ’cause it’s creepy: [singlepic=63,160,120,,left]“he pushed the cat-door out of the wall!” I’m sorry, but if we have cats that can burst through walls, we’re screwed! In his defense, I pretty much had the door connected with duct tape and spit, so I’m surprised this didn’t happen sooner. I’ve reinstalled the cat door and reinforced the frame so Jackson the Wonder Manatee should stay where he belongs.

Some people would say I should keep a better eye on my pets. I still don’t know where the hell they get these ideas.
April16th

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What In The Name Of All That’s Holy…

Posted in: humor, Music, pop culture

It just never ends.

Neil Diamond is alive, and CNN is writing articles about him. Since I already wrote a Neil Diamond rant a few months ago, I’ll keep this short. He is releasing a new album and apparently we are all required to like it. He’s also starting a tour of some type. According to The Encrusted One himself, “This record represents a giant step in my evolution as a writer and a recording artist … you will see I’ve gone deeper. It was more painful to write this — maybe the most difficult album I’ve ever written, and maybe my best.” You’ve been warned, people: If you don’t appreciate this modern-day Sgt. Pepper, YOU HAVE NO SOUL!

I agree with Neil, humilty sucks. To be honest, I’m actually impressed that someone can build an entire career out of entertaining people who can only clap on the on-beat. He goes on to say that in his upcoming tour, he’ll play plenty of new stuff in addition to his, um, “hits.” Well, thank God for that! The only reason he probably won’t start with “Sweet Caroline,” is that the mad dash for the exits would kill too many people. No, oldies concerts save classics like “Freebird,” “Come Sail Away,” and “My Humps” for a little later in the night. Hey, I love Lynyrd Skynyrd, but I’m not really wondering what they’ve been writing lately.

One last thing about this, then I’ll shut up: he’s starting his tour in St. Paul! That’s too close to home! That means that sometime soon someone will hear that I’m a wannabe musician and they’ll say, “Hey, my grandma went to that Neil Diamond concert. Do you like his music?” And I’ll have to simply stare at them for a long time until they get that confused look, then back away slowly, lest I burst into tears or something.

Who am I kidding, I’m crying already.
April11th

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Don’t Have A Vaca, Man

Posted in: humor, Movies/ TV, pop culture

Well, no one ever accused Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez of keeping up with the times. According to a recent article from Fox News (I couldn’t find anything in the non-fascist media,) Mr. Chavez has banned The Simpsons from being broadcast in his country, stating that it is a “bad influence.” I guess we should congratulate him. By finally reaching a 1990 level of cultural awareness, he has managed to achieve what all the clucking Midwestern busybodies of Pre-Clinton America could not. Hopefully, he can also ban all of those Bart Simpson T-Shirts and Hammer Pants that are all the rage right now.

Apparently, this is the family being referred to…

Oh, and you want to know which show has replaced The Simpsons on Venezuelan television? Baywatch Hawaii.

I swear, sometimes this crap writes itself.
April7th

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Time Off

Posted in: dogs, humor, Movies/ TV, Music, pop culture

I started my new job last Thursday after taking some much needed time off. I say “time off” and not “vacation” because I basically remained in the same zip code and I wasn’t able to avoid yard clean-up. Believe me, I tried. It was great. I got to play more with Indie & Bear, who were mildly surprised, since they usually think of me as “Slightly Taller Foodbringer Who Is Rarely Around.”

Patty was kind enough to compile a list of chores for me. Yes, I said “chores,” because apparently we live on a farm now. I took a look at the list, and I gotta tell you, she was WAY off. Most of the items on the list seem to require some type of home improvement skill…and what the hell is a “broom?” Seriously, I did a few of the chores before tedium edged out boredom. Didn’t take long, though.

Patty & I also did something a little revolutionary…well, its revolutionary for us. We actually canceled our cable. Honestly, we don’t watch much except for That’s My Mama and that episode of The Brady Bunch where Greg is kinda high. It’s a weird experience when you tell the Comcast Rep you want to cancel cable; they never seem to hear you correctly the first time. “You want to do what with the what now?” And I get the sneaking suspicion that every time someone cancels cable, some sales rep gets smacked around a bit. I can’t help but feel somewhat responsible.

I also managed to do a little more recording in my home studio. I plan to have some new music up soon. As soon as I can get everything to stop sounding like Kraftwerk, I’ll let you know.

This could take awhile.
March28th

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Lastday

Posted in: geek, humor, Movies/ TV, pop culture

Today is my last day at work. I planned to write something oh-so-damn-humorous by referencing “Lastday” in the 1976 film, Logan’s Run. Yeah, I gotta be honest here, I haven’t seen Logan’s Run in ages, and I’m pretty sure I would screw up a reference to it. I know, it’s a bit of 1970′s pop culture and I’m usually pretty good at that kind of thing.

All right; I’ll give it a shot. Um, let’s see: My crystal is glowing? No? OK, how ’bout, Michael York is picking me up and we’re stopping by Farrah Fawcett’s place to have fish and plankton and sea greens and protein from the sea? That sucked too? Well, the hell with it; I’ll just try to find some Sanctuary and work on my Peter Ustinov impersonation.

OK, hopefully you’re both still with me. As I stated, today is my last day at work. I’ve had this job for almost five years, so I’ve managed to get attached to the people I work with. It’ll be tough to leave that. They did get me a card though, so that was nice.

But the best part about the last day of work? The big cookie…definitely the big cookie. What, there’s no cookie?

I knew these people hated me.
March21st

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A Phew Phriday Phindings

Posted in: dogs, food, humor, Music, pop culture
OK, I had a large light roast coffee with a shot of expresso…epspresszo…um, “wake-up juice,” so I just want to voice some random thoughts. By the way, the nice lady at my coffee shop called me a “mensch” this morning. I’m going to need several dictionaries and my conversation pants.
- I’m working on a little side project that requires me to come up with 27 seconds of “baseball music.” That’s it, “baseball music.” That’s kinda vague, isn’t it? That’s a little like telling a drummer to “lay down a groove.” I’m keeping my fingers crossed that “baseball music” loosely translates into “something I wrote eight years ago,” but probably not. How much do you wanna bet I’ll be cycling through the “organ” patches on my keyboard? Take that one to the bank, people.
- I’ve mentioned that I’m a part-time musician (Oh, I’m pretty sure I have.) Since I left the band last summer, I’m finding that I need contextual clarification whenever someone suggests I “keep on rocking.” I believe it’s still considered a compliment, but it may simply be a helpful suggestion in case I look like I’m tipping slightly. Just to be safe, I’ll “keep on rocking,” but I’ll stop if it starts to upset passersby. I might be over-thinking this.
- Indie & Bear are not amused by the new snow we got this morning. Not even a little. Bear gave me his typical Will Smith-like, “Oh Hell no! You did NOT send me out into that snow!” I told him, “hey, if you don’t like it, you’re welcome to stay with a nice Arizona family. Oh, you don’t KNOW anyone in Arizona? Well, maybe you should calm down then. And I’m not a yutz!” Most of our conversations go that way.
- I’m hankerin’ for a big ‘ol bag of mini-donuts. Seriously, I’ll give a “shout-out” (as the kids like to say) to anyone who can hook that up.
- The local news rag had a big article featuring Ashlee Simpson yesterday. Apparently she has red hair now, or she bought a pantsuit, or something. Um, I can remember a time when getting caught lip-syncing on TV would have made someone, you know, go away.
- Surprisingly, I’m finding that I need a haircut; take THAT, everyone who ever called me “Baldo McGillicuddy!” You know who you are, ya bastards! (Sorry. Coffee.)
- Finally, I can no longer hide my disappointment that I’m rarely introduced as “The Step-Brother of Funk.”
There, I said it.