Soon after a baby is born, the nurses perform a hearing test. The test involves attaching electrodes to baby’s head and testing for brain response to audio stimuli. It’s not uncommon for babies to fail the initial test due to fluid in the ears and other potential factors. Isla failed the first test, so we had a follow-up test a few weeks ago. She failed that one too, so after confirming she didn’t have an ear infection, the next step was to visit a Doctor of Audiology at the University of Minnesota yesterday afternoon.

The test determined that Isla has significant hearing loss. More specifically, she has moderate to severe hearing loss in her right ear and mild to moderate hearing loss in her left ear. In practical terms, she can still hear our voices, she can still hear dogs barking, and she can still hear music; it just sounds much more quiet to her. She also has difficulty in hearing higher frequencies, but as everyone knows, all the good stuff happens at lower frequencies anyway.

We will be meeting with some specialists in the next several weeks so we can get started on a plan. They will work to determine the cause of her hearing loss, but considering she is less than two months old, we are prepared to rule out Led Zeppelin’s 1972 North American Tour. Isla will also be fitted for baby hearing aids, which of course will help her with language development. And you’d better believe we will set her up with the most adorable widdle hearing aids ever.

Patty & I are relieved. Until yesterday, we didn’t know if she could hear anything. Now that we know what we’re dealing with, we can help. We’re going to learn sign language, and we’re going to do whatever it takes to help our girl.  I even plan to finally stop mumbling and shave my big honking mustache.

I totally look like this guy!

Oh, one last thing. We noticed early on that Isla never seemed to startle at loud, sudden noises. As we were walking through the parking ramp following the appointment, someone hit their car horn right next to us. Patty & I jumped, and Isla immediately started crying in her stroller. Patty went to console her, but I just said one word:

“Awesome.”

Oh, so THAT’S what everyone was talking about when they said, “get some sleep before the baby comes.”  Well, maybe if people weren’t laughing so much when they said it, I would have taken them seriously.

Isla is six weeks old today and although she is not as tiny as the day she was born, she is even more beautiful.  As you can imagine, the past six weeks have been a tremendous learning experience for Patty and me.  The most important thing we have learned is that we absolutely love being parents.  Even with the lack of sleep, the disjointed schedules, and the fact that previously mundane activities have been transformed into massive undertakings requiring honest-to-God planning, we love the new gig.

Indie & Bear were a little nervous at first, but they have finally warmed up to the adorable li’l screamer. Also, Bear can be bribed with “ice cream.”

This past weekend we also brought Isla to her first Farmers Market where we met up some great friends.  The sheer excitement of being in St. Paul, MN caused her to completely pass out.  Seriously, she slept the whole time! Even while we looked at Parsnips! Parsnips!!

Now that I’m done saying “parsnips,” here’s a photo of the pasty happy family.  Um, Patty and I didn’t realize we were both wearing black until we got there.  Isla is of course looking stunningly sleepy in her red cherry dress.

Man, I wish I could sleep like that.

Elisabeth spit up on me for the first time today.  I haven’t had another human being spit up on me since my Confirmation, so the events of earlier today came as a peristaltic stroll down memory lane.  The strange thing is that I didn’t mind, not really.  It’s absolutely true; when it is someone you care about all other concerns just kinda fade into the background.  Not that I want to make of habit of this, mind you.

I should also point out that Patty & I have used more laundry stain remover in the last week than we have in the preceding six years.  (I won’t say the brand name, because it’s not like they’re going to send a complimentary 5-gallon drum for the laundry room.)

Speaking of laundry; at the risk of bragging about something horribly pathetic, I am becoming quite the laundry Jedi around here.  Sure, all of the websites I visited suggested that in order to relieve stress and catch some zzz’s, we’re supposed to let the laundry wait. You know, just let it sit there, mocking me. OK, but when exactly is this stuff supposed to get done?  Do you have any idea how stressful a big honkin’ pile of laundry is?  Besides, a lot of the new laundry I’m doing represents a veritable bio-hazard, so yeah, I’m gonna go ahead and hop to it.

The dirty dishes can rot in hell, of course.

Little Isla has been with us for a little over a week now, and other than the fact that Patty is still recovering and I’m lumbering around like an extra from a George Romero film, we are adjusting very well. I could go on about the staggering joy of being a proud papa, but I’m wearing a larger-than-usual quantity of spit-up, so I’ll wait on that for the time being. It’s hard to believe that just over a week ago, I had never changed a diaper or burped a human or eaten a sandwich. Now it feels like second nature. We are also continually amazed by all of the little noises and faces she makes. Admittedly, most of those adorable wittle things are gas-related, but since they’re cute as hell, we’ll take ‘em.

Indie & Bear are also settling into their new positions in the hierarchy around here. No more jumping on the bed, no more dog parties until 2AM. They are having a harder time realizing that not all of the new stuffed toys are for them. However, that can be handled by gentle yelling. The good news for both dogs is that in order to keep them from getting underfoot, Patty suggested I tucker them out. So, the dogs and I rented Tucker: The Man and His Dream, which of course put them right out.

I feel like I have so much to write about, simply because I learn something new every day. All I know is that being a dad and husband is the best role I ever had.

Oh, Hey! Baby Pictures!