We spent New Years Day at the Como Zoo & Conservatory, where they had their “Noon Years Celebration.” It’s a kid-friendly event where they do a countdown to noon and then have a beach-ball drop. That’s right, they cram a bunch of kids and their families into a confined space, give them noisemakers, then drop a whole bunch of free toys.

She elbowed two kids and a Teamster to get everything in this photo.

Isla always has fun at the Conservatory. She especially enjoyed watching the fish, while wondering how she could take one of THEM home. (Incidentally, never underestimate the speed and tenacity of the fine members of the Conservatory security staff.)

And the “No Diving” rule is strictly enforced.

Unfortunately, not him.

As you can see, Isla’s visit with Santa went very well; very well, indeed

At least I was able to get some nice video footage of Isla and Patty enjoying a little stroll through the village, as well as a little detour to Mrs. Claus’ Bakery.  Apparently, cookies are an excellent way to alleviate any Post-Kringle Stress Disorder.

I originally wanted to have a Bing Crosby tune for the soundtrack, but apparently, there are these things called “copyright laws.” (I only learned about them a week ago, myself.)  Instead, I put together a simple little soundtrack which seems to work out nicely for my “Video Christmas Card.”

Merry Christmas!

Yeah, I’d probably better explain that, huh? First of all, she’s fine! Right at the beginning of the third song, she took off running. I ran to the stage, but was unfortunately too slow. She tried to steady herself on a music stand and down she went. Luckily, it slowed her fall and she simply slid down. She was uninjured, but obviously shaken up. They even had to start the song over! Five minutes and one Christmas cookie later, she was back to her old self.

That’s my little showstopper.

We also visited the Santaland village at Macy’s in Downtown Minneapolis where the theme was “A Day in The Life of an Elf.” Isla’s bright eyes and visible excitement completely distracted me from pointing out that these elves need to stop joking around and step up their game if they’re gonna be ready by Christmas Eve. Just sayin’.

Later, we took some time to walk around Macy’s and bask in the glow of the holiday decorations (despite Macy’s strict “No Basking” policy.)

Definitely a perfect day out with the family.

In anticipation of Thanksgiving, the nice people at Isla’s Day Care helped her create a turkey-themed masterpiece.  Check it out!

Look On My Works Ye Mighty And Despair! (Seriously, start despairing)

In case you know nothing about art, her right thumb is the head of the Turkey and the palm is the body.  The feathers represent the feathers (as is the current custom.)

After careful consideration and with the assistance of a calculation error, I give this piece 110 points out of 100. And yes, it’s Fridge-worthy.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

…ahem. On to the music!

I was just noodling around with a Rhodes patch on my keyboard and recorded some improvisation.  (In other words, “Dude, I totally made this stuff up…totally!”)  Then I thought, “hey, maybe I could add some tremolo and reverb.”  Before I knew it, I had something that sounds like, well, “Styx.” circa 1979.  Not really my intention, and I’m taking steps to ensure something like this doesn’t happen again.  As punishment, I decided to call this piece “Be Young.” It runs 1:17m.

Come Flail Away, people.

Alas, I didn’t have time to write that Thanksgiving Carol this year…and not just because I’m not really a lyricist.  Truth is, I realized that no one wants to hear a Thanksgiving Carol in this day and age…unless it’s written by Adam Sandler, of course.

This week’s piece is a creepy little something I put together for another project I’m working on.  It’s called “Cobblestone” and it runs 0:48m. They’re coming to get you, Barbara.

Patty & I then went over to her folks’ place for lunch. We were running late because I needed to comb my hair and pick up my accordion. What, you don’t think I have an accordion? Have you read this blog? Trust me, THIS geek has an accordion. I love spending Easter with my family. Plus, I continued the time-honored tradition of biting the head off of Patty’s chocolate bunny when she’s not looking. (Why yes, I am 8 years old, why do you ask?) OK, I was just joking around and I did give her my untouched bunny in exchange, but I’m still gonna need a place to crash until this whole thing blows over.

Other than that, it was a good day to just relax and read the paper. Unfortunately, I read a rather disturbing story about a local cab driver who was stabbed by his 15 year-old passenger when she couldn’t pay the $22 cab fare. You can read the story here. Luckily the driver is going to be OK. According to the article, “The driver was stabbed with a kitchen knife in the neck, leg and buttocks.” At first I wondered how he got the buttock wound; then I realized that if someone is attacking me with a knife, at the very least, I’m farting on them.

Have you ever tried explaining blogging to your non-techie family members? They look at you like you’re nuts…even when you’re NOT stuffing your face full of day-old brisket. I love the responses I get:

• “How do they let you do that?” (“they?”)
• “It sounds expensive.” (“Yes. Yes it is.”)
• “How could you be a writer? You’re an [Accountant, Attorney, Idiot, etc.]“
• “What do you write about?”

OK, the last question is legitimate: “What do you write about?” I ponder the question while I grab another cup of holiday fish. “Well, I write about, ah…er, uh, well, I wrote about how there’s no such thing as Orange Pie, even though there is. Um, I wrote about the time Bear & I killed a squirrel in the front yard, or how I’m a freak who never played Monopoly. I think several of the stories involve pet vomit…” As I trail off and look around the room at the blank stares, I wonder why I’m the one in the hot-seat, while Uncle Elwin, the “professional ventriloquist” with the Grover Cleveland-mustache gets a pass. What a rip! Luckily, I had the presence of mind to succinctly explain that blogging is simply a creative outlet that doesn’t frighten my loved ones…unlike being a musician. Plus, I get to swear repeatedly, just like that one time at Godfather’s Pizza.

My mom quickly caught on. “So, you’re like a newspaper columnist?” she asked. “Well, if you’re implying that I’m an irrelevant hack, then yes, I’m exactly like a newspaper columnist,” I replied. I added that there are literally thousands of blogs out there that she might enjoy, but she replied that she really doesn’t want to bother anyone.

Um, OK.

Anyway, Patty & I, plus Indie & Bear (and to a lesser extent, the cats) hope the two of you who are reading this had a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and an Awesomely Awesome Boxing Day. Peace!

Unfortunately, things got a little dodgy when Patty found a great deal on a Nikon camera online, but she needed to order it by December 19 in order to get the free shipping. I had to think fast, since I didn’t want her to order the camera, then possibly go through the hassle of returning it if she liked my gift better. Unfortunately, I’m apparently not very good at thinking fast, because my gentle suggestions that she wait kinda backfired and made me look like a controlling jerk of Archie Bunker proportions:

When I suggested she maybe do a little more research, she replied that she’s been researching for close to a year. “Oh,” I replied, “I didn’t know that.”
I then speculated that she might find a better deal after Christmas, since she likes saving money. She reiterated that this is the best deal she’s found and she is comfortable with it. She also pointed out that I’ve been known to buy keyboards simply because they smell nice.

“Well,” I replied, “some of them do.” (Swish!)

For some reason, I kept talking. “I’d still kinda like to see more about it first.” (Please understand, I never never NEVER would have said this, had I not already had a camera for her.) Nevertheless, this is about the time where things went a little out of my control.

“Wait a minute,” she replied. “Why do YOU need to “see” it first? I never need to “see” your purchases ahead of time.” (A good point, but again, I already had a camera for her!)

“Well, that’s different,” I replied. (Like that answered anything!)

“How it that different?” She glared. (Can you picture me sinking fast? Can you??)

Just a time-out; I knew that anything I could say at this point would make me look like THE most controlling, patronizing, micro-managing, Lumbergh of a husband you can imagine. Ignoring this, I stupidly blurted out, “I think I read somewhere that women don’t like ‘outside interests.’”

…
…(cue the tumbleweeds)
…
…”I’mSorryWhatDidYouJustSay?” she asked with those fiercely intelligent eyes boring holes in me.

At this point, I decided Christmas will be coming early this year. Hell, I would have tossed the camera to her at that moment, if I hadn’t so damn cleverly had it delivered to my Mom’s house across town. Luckily, I had already planned to pick up the camera the next day, then give it to her on Christmas Eve. Only now, I would definitely be giving her the camera as early as humanly freaking possible so that I’m just a jerk for one day, rather than five.

I was able to stall Patty by asking if we could “buy the camera online tomorrow night…together!” (Yeah, I really said that.) I was sure she would call me out on such a lame request…as well as that dumbass “outside interests” crack. Surprisingly, she agreed, although I wouldn’t have blamed her if she got up the next morning and bought the camera just to shut me up.

Well, luckily the story had a happy ending. I gave Patty her very hurriedly-wrapped gift and she suddenly she realized why I was acting so strangely the previous couple of days. She loves the camera and we hope to have plenty of new photos posted soon. As usual, I apologize for any pictures of me; just assume I’m fighting a cold, or something.

I’m also guessing that a few of them will involve dogs. Merry Christmas!