I got my replacement Visa card in the mail yesterday. I never use this particular card, except when I want to purchase things I don’t want Patty to know about. (And if y’all could keep quiet about that, that would be mucho awesome!)
I’ve activated credit cards before, and the procedure has always been the same: I get the new credit card in the mail, I call the number on the sticker, I enter (or mutter) my credit card number, I enter (or scream) the last 4 digits of my Social Security Number. I then receive an automated message telling me my card has been activated, and I’m on my way to ordering record players, big-ass donuts, or slightly damaged Bunsen Burners for my ongoing Bunsen Burner habit.
This time was different. This time, I called the phone number, entered my credit card number and last 4 digits of my SSN, and I cheerfully awaited the recording telling me the card was active. Instead, I was greeted by a real live human being. I hate that. I actually said nothing at first, because I was not expecting this. I should pause here for a moment and point out that I used the crappy phone in our house because it was nearby, and I didn’t expect to talk to real live Meatbag. This is the phone with the broken speaker that makes people on the other end sound like Daleks from Doctor Who.
Well, I suddenly realized I was involved in a sales pitch from the Kelly-Dalek. I suppose it is possible that the Kelly-Dalek is interested in extermination and hunting down a time traveler in a flying blue box, but at the moment, she was more concerned about me being a victim of identity theft. (A partial quote: “because identity-theft is a very bad thing.”) With her grating, metallic voice, she wanted to enroll me in something called “Credit Guard,” which apparently protects…Geez, you know, I’m just going to kinda trail off here, ‘cuz it’s getting pretty boring.
I was very polite to the Kelly-Dalek as I declined her abysmal, yet frightening sales pitch, and she was surprisingly chipper for an unstoppable killing machine. Eventually, my card was activated and I returned it to my wallet where it will likely remain.
At least until I get the winning bid on THIS bad boy.