Oh, The Things You’ll Crave
I never believed all of the stories I heard about the food cravings a pregnant woman can get. Television sitcoms had me believing that food cravings were exaggerated in order to make Ross & Rachel’s hi-jinks seem all the more wacky. Well, for Patty, food cravings are definitely real, and the occasional accompanying mood swings are simply gravy on the cake (OK, that’s actually one of MY cravings, but I’ll save that for a predictably disgusting blog post at a later date.)
Patty is in her 2nd trimester and right on schedule, she is craving all sorts of food I wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot clown pole. A few weeks ago, we were at the mall looking for deals on slightly damaged towel racks. I also planned to stop by the Apple Store to look at all the shiny things and heckle the Genius Bar. We were literally 15 feet from the Apple Store entrance, when Patty made me put down my tape measure so that we could get a pretzel; you know, one of those big-ass mall pretzels with salt crystals the size Rubik’s Cubes and a thimble-full of melted cheese-flavored food-type product? Yeah, she needed one NOW. Since I’m a team player, as well as an integral member of this pasty family unit, we immediately made our way to Madam Fong’s Magical Garden Of Pretzelly Delights (located next to H&R Block.) Patty got her hubcap-sized pretzel and was kind enough to share a giant salt cube with me, so it was totally worth it.
More recently, Patty has been craving cookie dough ice cream and donuts. Nothing too unusual there, however, I was mildly surprised last weekend when she helped herself to a large bowl of ice cream with a chocolate-glaze sprinkle donut on top. I must have looked at her rather strangely, because she immediately glared at me with eyes ablaze and advised me to stop judging her!! No problem, Crazy-Pregnant-Lady-Who-Lies-Next-To-Me-While-I-Sleep.
All kidding aside, Patty has kept her cool very well. For example, she didn’t actually make me get her a cheeseburger at 3AM the other night, but let’s just say, I had the car keys on my nightstand. I’m just glad I can be there for Patty when she needs me. She actually seems surprised about her sudden cravings as well. I assured her that food cravings are completely normal for pregnant woman and that she has absolutely nothing to be concerned about.