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January 2010 - Chris Schuette

Piano In The Corner #3

January 31, 2010 | By | One Comment

I’m taking a break from the white-hot panic one associates with impending parenthood to post the most mellow li’l piece of music I’ve written this weekend.  “Written” might be over-selling it. As you may or may not know, I occasionally just sit down at the piano, hit record and start playing. Every once in awhile, I like the way it turns out and I post it here.  Other times, I don’t like it, and I kinda freak out like this guy.

Luckily, there is no such freaking out associated with my current Piano In The Corner dealie.  It runs 2:05m.  Enjoy!

Daddy Get Ready

January 29, 2010 | By | No Comments

Things are really hopping around our house lately as we prepare for Baby Schuette (pretty sure we’ll come up with a better name.)  The reality of eventual parenthood is setting in and I couldn’t be happier.  I know, I know; it’s going to hit me like a ton of Legos, but I’m still getting ready.  I even have my diaper bag.  After careful research, I chose the brown diaper bag from (Oh, for the love of God, make sure you type that address correctly!)  It’s a comfortable, over-the-shoulder design and there’s even a pocket for my cell phone right on the strap!  Oh, and it also holds baby-related stuff better than any other bag I looked at.

Patty has also given me permission to tell you that she is starting to show.    In other words, if you were making a movie, and you needed to cast “Bubbly Pregnant Lady #1,”  Patty is the one you would call.  Of course, she’s not in the Screen Actors Guild, and she can’t really fly to L.A. right now, so we’d have work around that. I might be over-thinking this entire paragraph.  My point is, Patty looks great…even when she doesn’t think so.

We’ve also tragically magically transformed my super secret 70’s/80’s lair into a slightly less-super secret baby room.  My Mannequin movie poster has replaced by pictures of Teddy Bears, my copies of Dynamite Magazine have been supplanted by Dr. Seuss, and my Atari 2600 has been replaced by nothing…just, nothing, not even a freakin’ Playstation.  The room has never looked better, though; even without the inspirational picture of Dolph Sweet.

Patty & I will be also be joining a new church very soon.  And by “new church,” I mean, “church.”  We’re not currently members of a particular church yet.  To be honest, I learned most of what I know about religion from watching George Burns movies.  According to Hollywood, God smokes cigars, has bad writers, and was a lot funnier in the 1940s.  Seriously though, I know our family will benefit from it, and that’s good enough for me.  Who knows, maybe they need a rockin’ church organist.  I assume I could do that.

We’re also working on getting a new car to replace the aging Jeep Grand Cherokee.  It’s becoming increasingly unreliable, and I’m fairly certain the transmission is being held together with duct tape and Gummi-Bears.  It’s been a good vehicle, though.  That Jeep got me home safely from every gig, every time.  Since we have another mini-SUV to haul around the impending torrent of child-related accoutrements, we are going to replace the Jeep with a smaller sedan.  Also, I’m not domestic enough, and I strongly believe a Ford Taurus can fix that.  Perhaps beige? You kids love beige.

I’ll continue to let you know how the preparations are going.  I’m pretty sure it’ll be uneventful.

Talk To The Hand, Sing To The Belly

January 27, 2010 | By | No Comments

I had the privilege of playing a little home concert for two very special ladies last night, Patty & Future Baby.  Apparently, some very smart scienticians believe that the fetus can hear and respond to music and sound. Since I am quite obviously not smart enough to dispute that, we’ve decided that I will play and sing for our little girl as often as possible.   According to Patty, she responds by kicking, punching and hiccuping, not unlike the crowd at Mayslack’s.  Indie & Bear wandered in during my rendition of “Little Trip To Heaven.”  Bear always gives me a strange look when I sing Tom Waits; he probably thinks I’m growling at him.

These little concerts are fast becoming my favorite part of this pregnancy, mostly because Patty & I can just sit, relax and show off our really dope chilling out skillz…something that will become much rarer in the near future.  Yep, pretty soon, the music I play will touch on much edgier topics ranging from the principles under which the wheels on the bus operate, to the various plumbing-related crises faced by the itsy-bitsy spider.  But in the meantime, I can entertain Patty and our girl with Chopin, Beethoven, as well as some Elton John, Jackson Browne, and Jerry Lee Lewis.

I have no idea what possessed me to perform the Diff’rent Strokes theme as Michael McDonald, however.  That’s just bad parenting.

Oh, The Things You’ll Crave

January 20, 2010 | By | No Comments

I never believed all of the stories I heard about the food cravings a pregnant woman can get.  Television sitcoms had me believing that food cravings were exaggerated in order to make Ross & Rachel’s hi-jinks seem all the more wacky.  Well, for Patty, food cravings are definitely real, and the occasional accompanying mood swings are simply gravy on the cake (OK, that’s actually one of MY cravings, but I’ll save that for a predictably disgusting blog post at a later date.)

Patty is in her 2nd trimester and right on schedule, she is craving all sorts of food I wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot clown pole.  A few weeks ago, we were at the mall looking for deals on slightly damaged towel racks.  I also planned to stop by the Apple Store to look at all the shiny things and heckle the Genius Bar.  We were literally 15 feet from the Apple Store entrance, when Patty made me put down my tape measure so that we could get a pretzel; you know, one of those big-ass mall pretzels with salt crystals the size Rubik’s Cubes and a thimble-full of melted cheese-flavored food-type product?  Yeah, she needed one NOW.  Since I’m a team player, as well as an integral member of this pasty family unit, we immediately made our way to Madam Fong’s Magical Garden Of Pretzelly Delights (located next to H&R Block.)  Patty got her hubcap-sized pretzel and was kind enough to share a giant salt cube with me, so it was totally worth it.

More recently, Patty has been craving cookie dough ice cream and donuts.  Nothing too unusual there, however, I was mildly surprised last weekend when she helped herself to a large bowl of ice cream with a chocolate-glaze sprinkle donut on top.  I must have looked at her rather strangely, because she immediately glared at me with eyes ablaze and advised me to stop judging her!!  No problem, Crazy-Pregnant-Lady-Who-Lies-Next-To-Me-While-I-Sleep.

All kidding aside, Patty has kept her cool very well.  For example, she didn’t actually make me get her a cheeseburger at 3AM the other night, but let’s just say, I had the car keys on my nightstand.  I’m just glad I can be there for Patty when she needs me.  She actually seems surprised about her sudden cravings as well.  I assured her that food cravings are completely normal for pregnant woman and that she has absolutely nothing to be concerned about. 

Of course, none of that explains why I blasted through an entire French Silk pie about an hour ago.