My Advice To Your Kids
In light of President Obama’s speech to America’s students earlier today, I’ve been inspired to offer some advice of my own . Obviously, I’m not as gifted a communicator as the President…ANY President, but here goes.
First, I’ve learned that if you want to demonstrate your maturity, be sure to add the word “the” when referring to social media; as in, “the Facebook,””the YouTubes,” and, ohh! “the Friendster!” Work it into a sentence like, “The kids sure loves ‘The Friendster!'” That works pretty well for me, if eye-rolling is a teen’s way of showing approval.
Second, If you somehow manage to get your hand stuck in a can of soup (and you will,) try to act cool and behave like you meant to do it. Also, try to parlay the experience into a really boss nickname like “Can-Hand,” or “Soupcan Schuette.” It may also help you in the super-competitive Hobo Music Scene.
Third, no matter what your political affiliation, make sure to accuse anyone who doesn’t agree with you of being a “communist,””socialist,””right-wing whackjob,””knee-jerk liberal”…something like that. We live in a fast-paced world and there is no room for respectful discussion of the many complex issues that affect our common future. After all, if we all think alike, we’ll be just like the Borg on Star Trek. And everyone loves Star Trek, don’t they? Well, DON’T THEY?!?
And finally, learn to do something you love…something beautiful and amazing, whether it’s music, photography, writing, drawing, painting, dancing…whatever. Learn to do it so well that you’d never dream of ever giving it up, and learn to do it while you’re young and have the time. And after you’ve learned it pretty well, share it with the world.
Because the world will probably need it.