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What In The Name Of All That’s Holy…

April 16, 2008 | By | No Comments

It just never ends.

Neil Diamond is alive, and CNN is writing articles about him. Since I already wrote a Neil Diamond rant a few months ago, I’ll keep this short. He is releasing a new album and apparently we are all required to like it. He’s also starting a tour of some type. According to The Encrusted One himself, “This record represents a giant step in my evolution as a writer and a recording artist … you will see I’ve gone deeper. It was more painful to write this — maybe the most difficult album I’ve ever written, and maybe my best.” You’ve been warned, people: If you don’t appreciate this modern-day Sgt. Pepper, YOU HAVE NO SOUL!

I agree with Neil, humilty sucks. To be honest, I’m actually impressed that someone can build an entire career out of entertaining people who can only clap on the on-beat. He goes on to say that in his upcoming tour, he’ll play plenty of new stuff in addition to his, um, “hits.” Well, thank God for that! The only reason he probably won’t start with “Sweet Caroline,” is that the mad dash for the exits would kill too many people. No, oldies concerts save classics like “Freebird,” “Come Sail Away,” and “My Humps” for a little later in the night. Hey, I love Lynyrd Skynyrd, but I’m not really wondering what they’ve been writing lately.

One last thing about this, then I’ll shut up: he’s starting his tour in St. Paul! That’s too close to home! That means that sometime soon someone will hear that I’m a wannabe musician and they’ll say, “Hey, my grandma went to that Neil Diamond concert. Do you like his music?” And I’ll have to simply stare at them for a long time until they get that confused look, then back away slowly, lest I burst into tears or something.

Who am I kidding, I’m crying already.

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