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January 2008 - Chris Schuette

Cheez Whiz Is Just All Right With Me

January 30, 2008 | By | No Comments

It was 15 degrees below zero this morning and it was like, 10 below yesterday. On the other hand, the temperature here in Minneapolis was almost 40 degrees above zero on Monday. That’s a veritable heat wave for January in Minnesota.

I bring this up for two reasons. First, people love reading blogs where idiots talk about the weather, and second, Monday is the day I should have gone grocery shopping. We’re dangerously close to running out of food. Unfortunately, Monday was too nice of a day to go grocery shopping (what with all the golfing, water-skiing and log-rolling,) and today is the kind of day where you don’t immediately realize you’ve lost fingers as you, oh I don’t know, walk to the mailbox. As a result, Patty and I are trying to use up the food we have before requesting an airlift from Anchorage. It’s amazing what you will consider eating for dinner when you just don’t want to venture outside: crackers, soup, popcorn, emergency pizza, and hey, that can of pulverized bacon shards is looking pretty good. We’re actually hoping to go shopping on Friday…unless the weather is either too nice or too lousy, of course.

And by the way, I freely admit how ridiculous all of this sounds. My grandpa worked a farm and raised 8 kids in Central Minnesota during the Depression and World War II, while I get tired if I have to go to the gas station and the bank in the same day.

“Hearty Minnesotan,” my butt. Maybe I could take a class, or something.

Ringo, The Forgotten Beatle

January 25, 2008 | By | No Comments

ringoIn entertainment news (I feel so dirty,) Ringo Starr walked off the Regis & Geddy Lee Show (or whatever the hell it’s called) on January 22 (see article here.) Apparently, they asked the former Beatle (I’ll say that again: former Beatle) if he could, you know, shorten his new song, “Liverpool 8” a smidge so as not to run over time. I’m guessing they needed to cut to commercial so the Swiffer people could push their crappy wanna-brooms on an increasingly dusty buying public.

Now, I know that it is common for artists to perform edited versions of their songs for talk-shows, but I also know that exceptions have been made for artists like Bob Dylan or Bruce Springsteen. You would think that a former Beatle would warrant some latitude. I mean, it’s not like he’s Peter Noone for God’s sake. I don’t think we can blame Regis or Buffi, though; it’s probably the fault of the producers (everyone knows they’re all Pete Best fans anyway.) In fact, I like Regis Philbin. I hope I have half his energy when I’m 85.

I think Ringo was perfectly justified in walking off the set. I think any artist would be justified. I mean, if you want Ringo to perform, then let him perform. I can understand shortening a long song like “Hey Jude,” or forbidding him from performing “You’re Sixteen.” (mostly because it’s just creepy.) Admittedly, I don’t really know if the producers promised he could play the full four minutes, then changed their minds, or if Ringo is just being obstinate. When I have my own crappy talk-show (and God willing, someday I will,) the bands can play “Layla” for all I care. They could even interrupt themselves and start playing “Radio Radio” instead. I’m cool with that.

I wish more musicians would be like Ringo and stand up for themselves. For starters, stop accepting $100 so your 5-piece band can play “Mustang Sally” at Whitey’s Blooze Hut & Chuckle Lounge for the umpteenth time. Especially considering you could use the time to learn other songs or work on your own music. I’m occasionally asked if I can recommend a really good band who will play for “really cheap.” I invariably ask, “well, do you want good, or do you want cheap?”

The usual reply? “Well, I want both.”

Yeah, good luck with that. Damn communist.

A Lazy Post (I Warned Ya)

January 18, 2008 | By | No Comments

Normally, I don’t link to YouTube videos. Let’s face it, “Golfclub Crotchfest” isn’t as funny unless Bob Saget is doing the voiceover. (Incidentally, “Golfclub Crotchfest” was my first band…mostly Stones’ covers) However, I found this remixed movie trailer for “The Shining” and I just wanted to share it. Looks like the Feel-Good Movie of the Year.

Freakin’ Brrr (Plus Pictures!)

January 16, 2008 | By | No Comments

Freakin’ BrrrOK, so it’s cold here in Minnesota. Really cold. It’s the kind of cold weather that people think we always have up here in Paradise. (We call it “Pants Weather.”) As a result of this extreme Butt-Coldness, our dogs, Indie & Bear are bored. Really bored. Like, “Kevin Costner Movie” bored.

At first we didn’t know why Bear was whining all the time. I figured it was because of the Writers Strike or something, but apparently dogs like physical activity. (Boy, you learn something new every day!) I’m sitting there asking him what he wants like I’m in some pathetic Lassie episode (which, of course, is all of them.) I even tried changing his name to “Whinemeister B,” to give him some street cred, but nothing worked! A friend of mine even suggested a “poochie psychiatrist!” Honestly, if I won’t seek psychiatric help, what chance do you think the dog has?

Unfortunately, this isn’t the best time to play with the dogs outside, what with it being 146 degrees below zero and all. As a result, we’ve been playing games indoors. The games have a annoying tendency to result in extensive drywall damage and bodily injury; just like my baptism, if the photos are to be believed. Indie likes to play too, but since she’s a girl, she really prefers Barbie’s Malibu Rawhide Chewey McChewies, or Bark Bark Revolution (always with the barking.)

I found some great websites with all sorts of indoor activities that will hopefully keep Bear from going all Jack Torrance on us. So far, Indie & Bear both love hide & seek, but truthfully, they’re actually very bad at it; I waited behind that door for a damn hour! I nearly ran out of tortilla chips too! They also love to play fetch with the tennis ball (please see “drywall damage” reference above.) Oh well, at least I get to go to Home Depot more often.

As promised after last week’s oh-so-cathartic Neil Diamond rant, here are some pictures of Indie & Bear for your dining & dancing pleasure. Enjoy!

Up and Running…again

January 6, 2008 | By | No Comments

Well, I just had a crash course in how hosting providers work. I won’t go into horrible detail, but I get a little nervous when my web site is down and I’m informed that I should contact my System Administrator. That’s easy to do, considering I am the System Administrator. Unfortunately, I first had to figure out why the site was down, then I needed to figure out how to fix it. The technical reason for the site crash is wzriutvhnerpichepior…

…sorry, I fell asleep on my keyboard for a minute.

Long story short, it was a problem with my hosting provider. I’ve switched to Bluehost, and well, so far so good. Back to writing stuff about junk & stuff.

The New Place

January 4, 2008 | By | No Comments

Well, as you can see, I’ve moved the blog. I like the theme and will probably keep it, but don’t be surprised if it changes often over the next week or so. I also like that I can have one of those cool flash-based Flickr Photo thingies in the far right column. Oh, and I can also post sound clips like this “Sneaking-Around” music I made with me own two hands:


Cool, huh? Yeah, I didn’t think so either…looks neat, though. I’ll have more soon!