Well, That Was Close
I bought Patty a new camera online for Christmas. One of those Canon Digital SLR jobbies (not pictured.) I have a little savings account that I use just for music gear and other crap that I just GOTTA have, but I wanted to get Patty something really nice. Now, you have to understand that Patty never teases me about my interests or how much these interests can cost. Conversely, she has been so busy that she hasn’t been able to really pursue her hobbies and interests lately. I knew that she had been researching cameras and had expressed interest in buying one after Christmas, so I figured I would surprise her on Christmas Eve with the Canon. (Unlike last year when I surprised her with Cannon, Mr. William Conrad)
Unfortunately, things got a little dodgy when Patty found a great deal on a Nikon camera online, but she needed to order it by December 19 in order to get the free shipping. I had to think fast, since I didn’t want her to order the camera, then possibly go through the hassle of returning it if she liked my gift better. Unfortunately, I’m apparently not very good at thinking fast, because my gentle suggestions that she wait kinda backfired and made me look like a controlling jerk of Archie Bunker proportions:
When I suggested she maybe do a little more research, she replied that she’s been researching for close to a year. “Oh,” I replied, “I didn’t know that.”
I then speculated that she might find a better deal after Christmas, since she likes saving money. She reiterated that this is the best deal she’s found and she is comfortable with it. She also pointed out that I’ve been known to buy keyboards simply because they smell nice.
“Well,” I replied, “some of them do.” (Swish!)
For some reason, I kept talking. “I’d still kinda like to see more about it first.” (Please understand, I never never NEVER would have said this, had I not already had a camera for her.) Nevertheless, this is about the time where things went a little out of my control.
“Wait a minute,” she replied. “Why do YOU need to “see” it first? I never need to “see” your purchases ahead of time.” (A good point, but again, I already had a camera for her!)
“Well, that’s different,” I replied. (Like that answered anything!)
“How it that different?” She glared. (Can you picture me sinking fast? Can you??)
Just a time-out; I knew that anything I could say at this point would make me look like THE most controlling, patronizing, micro-managing, Lumbergh of a husband you can imagine. Ignoring this, I stupidly blurted out, “I think I read somewhere that women don’t like ‘outside interests.'”
…(cue the tumbleweeds)
…”I’mSorryWhatDidYouJustSay?” she asked with those fiercely intelligent eyes boring holes in me.
At this point, I decided Christmas will be coming early this year. Hell, I would have tossed the camera to her at that moment, if I hadn’t so damn cleverly had it delivered to my Mom’s house across town. Luckily, I had already planned to pick up the camera the next day, then give it to her on Christmas Eve. Only now, I would definitely be giving her the camera as early as humanly freaking possible so that I’m just a jerk for one day, rather than five.
I was able to stall Patty by asking if we could “buy the camera online tomorrow night…together!” (Yeah, I really said that.) I was sure she would call me out on such a lame request…as well as that dumbass “outside interests” crack. Surprisingly, she agreed, although I wouldn’t have blamed her if she got up the next morning and bought the camera just to shut me up.
Well, luckily the story had a happy ending. I gave Patty her very hurriedly-wrapped gift and she suddenly she realized why I was acting so strangely the previous couple of days. She loves the camera and we hope to have plenty of new photos posted soon. As usual, I apologize for any pictures of me; just assume I’m fighting a cold, or something.
I’m also guessing that a few of them will involve dogs. Merry Christmas!