Patty made a great apple pie yesterday. It’s perfect; the crust is flaky, the apples are that slightly tart flavor that I like and it goes perfect with vanilla ice cream…pretty much everything I look for in an apple pie. I don’t know how she does it: She can whip up something in the kitchen on a moments notice and it’s always amazing. Me, on the other hand, I’m more of a Cheerios-pouring, Fig Newton wrapper-opening, last cookie-eating kind of chef. I think a kitchen should be admired from afar for its neatness and ability to store Doritos and sporks somewhere other than the floor. Oh, and the fridge belongs there too.
While I was lost in the stupor one commonly associates with eating apple pie, I asked, “Why is there no orange pie?” Patty, of course, is too nice to reply, “That’s the stupidest question I’ve ever heard.” (It isn’t…we’ve known each other awhile.) Instead, she simply asked, “What??”
I think it’s a fair question, I mean there’s rhubarb pie, shoofly pie (it’s filled with molasses,) mock apple pie (the secret ingredient is “ridicule,”) even scotch pie for God’s sake, so why no orange pie? The only answer she had was, “because it would be disgusting.” Fair enough, but if someone was drunk enough to come up with Beer Cheese Soup, I hardly see how Orange Pie is much of a stretch. Truth is, I’m sure a search of the internet would reveal that there actually IS such a thing as Orange Pie (although I didn’t see squat on Wikipedia, other than a lovely article on Alison Krauss. She’s a singer!) I could probably find it along with recipes for Beef Chex and Open Source Beet Juice. (If you find it, don’t tell me!)
Don’t worry, I’m not going to go on searching for an Orange Pie recipe. I wouldn’t want to eat it anyway; I left my kitchen-experimentation phase in the same box as my 14 baud modem and my Colecovision.
Besides, it sounds disgusting.